"Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So let all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less."
If you've been reading my blog for a little while, you know that I've been in limbo with my job and where I want to start building my life. Back in June, I started a 3-month HR internship at my current company. It was continually extended a month at a time, until January. The team that I was working with thought I'd be offered a full-time role during that month, since I had been in talks about it since December. However, that wasn't the case. I was, instead, offered a 3-month contract.
Before I started my internship, I had been thinking about going back to California. I moved to Illinois at the end of 2015 and felt like I had given it my best shot. Then, this internship opportunity came up. I'd always wanted to work for this company, so it was something I couldn't pass up. Then, when my contract was offered, I started thinking about California again.
I took this as a sign from God. If, a year later, I was still thinking about California, maybe I was supposed to go back there. God had provided me a job that would keep me employed, while also giving me time to search for a job back in the Bay. I began applying to companies throughout the Bay Area in hopes something would happen before the end of my contract. And something did.
I started interviewing for a company in San Francisco, all the way up to the VP of HR. I had my fourth interview on Wednesday and then, on Monday, out of no where, my company offered me a full time job. I was completely caught off guard.
Why now God? What am I supposed to choose? I had so many questions swirling around my head. Rather than be really excited about the role, I was lost. I just wanted a clear direction. And to confuse things even more - when I told my sister, she said she had been praying for me the night before about God creating a clear path for me, and then I was offered this role.
The next week felt like a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm not someone who gets stressed, but oh boy was I stressed. I've never thought so hard about a job. Do I choose the one that is a level up in a city I've been in for 9 months or do I choose the job in a city I've been wanting to go back to?
There was a lot riding on these two roles for me. This would be where I would begin building my life. Where I'd hopefully meet my future husband. Where I'd fully embrace putting down roots. I was sick of being in limbo and only knowing what was going to happen at a couple months' time. I wanted a set plan and I so desperately didn't want to make the wrong choice.
Then, on Sunday night, the night before I had to tell my company my decision, I had a conversation with my mom. I woke up Monday morning feeling secure in my decision to stay with my current company.
Choosing the best path when given two equally exciting ones is hard. Listening to God and trying to decipher the direction He wants your life to go is hard. Trusting in God's plan is hard. He finds interesting ways to test our faith in Him. I was put in a position that, albeit happy, was one I never thought I'd be in. I assumed I'd be offered one job and it would be a clear answer as to where God wanted me. But it wasn't that simple.
Today, I officially begin my new role and I couldn't be happier.
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